I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
