I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize