I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
