Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
