You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
