nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
zippers are such a cool invention
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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