Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
