No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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