Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize