I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
