I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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