I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
