he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
