I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize