Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize