i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
