have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
