end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
