she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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