when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
