Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
