I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
