At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
