My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
