omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
