Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
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worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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