Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
