She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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