I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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