Can Purell be used as lube?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
