So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
