I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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