Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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