But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
