i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
