This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
