Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
