He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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