You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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