Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
