just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
