Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
