WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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