quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
