I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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