how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A bitchslap is in order.
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