I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize