i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
