One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
