Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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