haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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