4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
