she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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