Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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