3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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