How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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