Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
