overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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