if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
